My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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