Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
