i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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