I can text with my tongue
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
