Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
