Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
