On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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