After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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