I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
