glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
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Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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