You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
