I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
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