I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
