i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
