I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
