She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
