i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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