we're blogging at a bar
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
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And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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