I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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