Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do vagina's smell?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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