FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
