My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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