Got a toothbrush?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
