Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
