I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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