we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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