she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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