My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
