I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
