I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
