I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
