So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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