can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
