He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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