Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
