I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
