I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
