If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
