we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
