...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
