so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
