You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
