he was CRYING into my vagina
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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