actually, I'm a sock model
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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