Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
