Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
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She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk is not a location!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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