I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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