i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
