You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is the high leading the old right now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
