I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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