You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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