i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
