She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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