NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
