I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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