I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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