The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
