I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
